For as long as I can remember I have been a worrier. I remember being five years old and having, what I now know as: panic attacks. Of course they were less intense as a child and I didn’t really understand them when I was young, but they have become all too familiar to me now.
I just get stressed out really really easily, and Im sure some of you do too. Decision making, scheduling, relationships- all of these choices we have to make and feelings we have to deal with on a daily basis can easily bring us down. Its also hard because, for me personally, I can look at a situation and say to myself, well, this really isn’t that big of a deal and in the grand scheme of things this isn’t worth stressing over. But that doesn’t change the fact that at that point in time, that is the thing that I have to stress over. Therefore, rational thinking- poof, gone.
I can rationalize that the situation is seemingly unimportant, but my emotions are like nah man, make yourself nauseous from anxiety, oh and don’t eat all day because you can’t stomach food. XOXO, anxiety. Its really a vicious cycle.
Right now my stress cause is trying to choose a job. Dealing with scheduling conflicts (and many of them, unfortunately), and wanting to spend as much time with my boyfriend as possible because I know our lives won’t always be this flexible.
All week I woke up way earlier than normal and for me thats a really big deal because I didn’t set an alarm clock. Like absolute clockwork I wake up naturally at exactly ten hours of sleep (unless Im worried about sleeping through an alarm for something important, but thats uncommon). So, generally I wake up at 10 because I almost always go to bed at midnight. Well, this week not only could I not fall asleep, but I woke up at 8 a.m. every day.
Ooh big deal, still plenty of sleep. But yeah, thats not the point. Yes I “technically” got enough sleep, but it was extremely abnormal for my body. I woke up earlier than always, and I woke up with a hundred things on my mind from things I need to do, to this conflict, that choice I need to make, blah blah blah. Yeah its all very petty I know, but I can’t help the anxiety, I don’t really know how. Other than praying, of course.
So thats been me this week, nauseous, irritable, tired, frustrated, and a bunch of other things I don’t like being. My heart is worried, my mind is running wild with anxiety.
I know God will restore me and this is just temporary. I am learning to lean on Him more and more not only through my struggle with anxiety, but though the general journey into adulthood. I pray for peace and clarity and guidance, and He provides that for me, I just need to trust in Him.
If you’re struggling with worry, anxiety, or fear, have a heart to heart with the Lord. Write your thoughts, concerns, and feelings in a prayer journal. Look up Bible versus related to your struggles. The Good Book covers it all.
If you are dealing with anxiety, stress, and worry, I pray for peace and joy to be inflicted upon you, and know you aren’t alone in the struggle.