Why I Don’t Trust Myself

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Cap Cod 2015

So this past week sucked. Basically, I’ve worked at the same coffee shop for two years; its close to my house, I can do the work with my eyes closed, I know the way everything works like second nature, basically, its a really easy job for me and its familiar.
However, I kind of hate it at this point in time for a few reasons I won’t go into. Not the coffee shop or anything, not my coworkers, just random things.

Anyway, I was initially going to be starting at esthetician school this month (March 2017), so I gave my boss two months notice that my last week would be the second week in March– I should let you know that this coffee shop is a food truck and theres four employees and we’re all in college/ busy so the schedule is very set in stone so we have to give a lot of notice for quitting or whatnot, but because I would have gone to school on short notice, I decided to wait until September to start. — okay, back to the story.

So I was interested in this job (like a grown-up job with good pay; a career) and I know the girl who was in charge of finding someone for the position. I met with her, we talked, she said I was exactly the type of person they were looking for and that my chances should be pretty good and I seem like an awesome fit for the company. I was SO excited. Not that I was guaranteed this job or anything, but I felt pretty good about it so I decided to not tell my boss that I could continue working (my bad).

I found out last week that the company decided not to post the position for a while, therefore meaning I have 0 chances of getting this job currently because they aren’t hiring for it for a while. Which is fine, like I said nothing was guaranteed and I should have done a better job at planning a backup situation.

This is my point; I can’t trust myself.

So now not only am I not getting a job I was super pumped about (totally not this girls fault by the way, not anyones fault but mine actually), but I also have no job and nowhere I’ve looked that is even relatively related to things I am interested in are hiring except for Ulta and Im not even sure if they’re actively hiring.

This is not a pity party, this is actually me talking about what an idiot I am.

I didn’t lean on God for direction or guidance when I heard the news and realized my circumstance. Instead I became upset, filled with worry, fear, and regret. And for what? Am I really so conceited to believe that the Creator of the UNIVERSE can make humanity and all the Earth’s inhabitants, but can’t make sense of my little problem?

Wow. Wow. 

YOU GUYS, THIS IS WHY THE BIBLE DIRECTLY TELLS US TO NOT LEAN ON OUR OWN UNDERSTANDING.

Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding. Proverbs 3:5

So here I am, jobless, seeking employment with no luck, trying to trust God has it under control–and I know deep down he does, Im just a human with doubts. But in times like this, when life goes exactly in the opposite direction of which you planned, we must remember these words in the Bible, for He is God and we are not.

The Lord loves you, will protect you, and will provide for you. Keep the faith and remember to not lean on what you think is best, but to be in constant prayer with the One who knows whats best for you.

xxx

Gabrielle

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